Overheard on a road in India #13 - Where does this road go

New to the city, a man is asking someone passing by.

New Man: Bhaisahab, ye road kahan jaati hai. (Dude, where will this road take me to.)

City Man: Bhaisahab, ye road kahin nahin jaati. Jaana toh aapko hee padega. (Dude, this road won't take you anywhere. You will have to go yourself.)

Overheard on a road in India #12 - You have a nice phone, how much is your salary

A man is caught by the police talking on mobile while driving. The policeman asks the man to come out.

Man: Haan ji. (Yes, sir.)

Policeman: Ji aap phone par baat kar rahe they. Challan katega. (You were talking on mobile while driving. A challan will be raised against you.)

Man: Phone toh bada achchha hai aapke paas. Kitni salary hai aapki. (You have a damn good mobile phone. How much is your salary?)

Policeman: Policewale kee salary poochh raha hai tu. (You are asking the salary of a policeman.)

Man: Haanji, poochh raha hoon. (Yes. I am asking.)

Policeman: Chal de yahan se. (Go away from here.)

Overheard in an office in Delhi, India #11 - I will also prepare a presentation, you also do and whichever is the best will be sent further

The head of a department of a company is asking his subordinate to prepare a presentation.

Department Head: Yaar, ek presentation banani hai hamen jisse hum management ko ye samjha saken kee Google Adwords par advertising se kya fayeda ho sakta hai. (We have to prepare a presentation upon how the company will get benefit from advertising on Google Adwords.)

Subordinate: Sir, maine presentations toh bahut banai hain, par mujhe Google Adwords ka ABCD bhi nahin pata toh thoda bata dijiyega. (Sir, I have made many presentations but for this one I would require some inputs as I don't know anything about Google Adwords.)

Department Head: Achchha, toh fir tum bhi ek presentation banao aur main bhi ek presentation banata hoon, fir jiski achchhi presentation hogi usko management ko bhej denge. (OK. Then, you make a presentation and I will also make a presentation. After that we would sit and send the best one to the management.)

Overheard in an online marketing agency in India #10 - When I used to do Online Reputation Management (ORM), a team of journalists always followed me

A director of a company and its online marketing head are having a conversation upon the e-marketing strategy of the company:

Director: You see, we have a very bad reputation on the internet.

Online Marketing Head: Unfortunately yes. But I will make sure that all the negative stories are replaced by the positive ones and are pushed on next pages.

Director: I understand that. This is the reason that you were chosen for this job from some 25 odd candidates.

Online Marketing Head: It's entirely my pleasure. When I was doing Online Reputation Management (ORM) in my previous company; a team of journalists always accompanied me wherever I used to go.

Overheard in the office of a politico in India #9 - Land Cruiser kam average deti hai

A politico is having a discussion with his men in his lavish room.

Men: Bhaiya, maine toh apni Land Cruiser bech dee. (Big brother, I have sold my Land Cruiser.)

Politico: Kyon, kya hua. (Why, what happened?)

Men: Arre bhaiya, hamara kahan muqabla hoga aapse. Itne kam average mein kya kar paoonga main. (Brother, I am nothing in comparison to you. It had a terrible average.)

Politico: Kitna deti thi. (What was the average?)

Men: Yehi koi char-panch, so maine bech dee. (It was just 4-5 kilometers per liter, so I sold it.)

Overheard in a household in India #8 - Call your aunt from your office

A father is talking to her daughter about her first job.

Daughter (happily): Pitaji, mujhe naukri mil gai hai. (Daddy, I have got a job.)

Father: Achchha, mubarak ho beta. Kahan job lagi. (Congratulations my child. Which company is that?)

Daughter: Call center mein. (It's a call center.)

Father: Call center. Vo kya hota hai. (And what's that?)

Daughter: Pitaji call center mein duniya bhar se phone aate hain; America, Australia, England aur yahan tak kee Germany bhi. Hamen bas un calls ka jawab dena hota hai. (Daddy, people from all over the world - America, Australia, England and even Germany) - take the help of a call center to solve their issues. We just need to attend the calls and give them a satisfactory reply.)

Father: Achchha. Chal fir apni Rammo bua ko bhi ek-do phone kar dena zara. Vo bhi aajkal America gai hui hai na, Raghav se milne. (I see. Then make sure you call your Rammo aunt who is currently on a visit to America to meet her son Raghav.)

Overheard in an Indian household #7 - Time to buy land on moon

A son wanted to shift to the US for a job change but his father was not willing to let him relocate.

Son: Pitaji main iss job ke liye America jaana chahta hoon. (Daddy, I want to shift to the US for this job.)

Father: Beta America plane se jaoge. Aajkal kitne plane crash ho rahe hain. Kitne aatankvadi khulle ghoom rahe hain. Main tumhen nahin jaane doonga. (You will go to the US by plane my son. You see, how many planes are getting crashed these days and these terrorists. I won't let you go to the US.)

Son: Oh ho pitaji. Duniya chand par pahunch gai hai aur aap abhi bhi wohi purani baatein karte ho. (Daddy, the world has reached to the moon and you are still talking the older things.)

Father: Toh beta ek kaam kar. America kee zid chhod aur chand par zameen le le. Yahan to bahut mehangi ho gai hai zameen, ab wahin ke rate badhenge. (Son, I think instead of shifting to the US you should buy a plot of land on the moon. The rates of land are too high in India, now the prices will increase on the moon.)

Overheard in a classroom in India #6 - Taj Mahal abhi bhi nahin dikha

A general knowledge teacher was teaching in a classroom and saw Varun, a student in the class, talking to some other student.

Teacher (shouting): Varun, kya kar rahe ho. (Varun, what are you doing?)

Varun: Main padh raha hoon madam. (I am listening mam.)

Teacher: Padh rahe ho toh batao taj mahal kahan hai. (Listening. OK, tell me where is the Taj Mahal.)

Varun: Madam, sorry. Pata nahin hai. (Mam, sorry. I don't know.)

Teacher: Pata nahin hai. Bench par khade ho jao. (Don't know. Stand up on the bench.)

Varun: Jee madam. Par abhi bhi nahin dikha. (OK. Mam, but still I could not see it.)

Overheard in a village in India #5 : Kitna deti hai

Two people were talking about their respective sons who had shifted to Mumbai for earning prospects.

Man 1: 5 saal ho gaye, raju ko gaye. Abhi tak koi khabar nahin. (It's been over 5 years now since we heard from Raju.)

Man 2: Chinta naa kar, Mumbai gaya hai. Bada aadmi ban kar hee lautega. (Don't worry. He has gone to Mumbai. He must be a rich man when he comes back.)

Man 1: Tere bete ko gaye kitne saal ho gaye. (How long has it been for your son.)

Man 2: Shyam ko to 10 saal se bhi jyada ho gaye. Ab to usne BMW bhi khareed lee hai wahan. (Shyam is in Mumbai for over 10 years now. He has even purchased a BMW.)

Man 1: BMW. Vo kya hoti hai? (BMW. What's that?)

Man 2: Bhai, bahut badi car hoti hai. (Dude, it's a big luxurious car.)

Man 1: Achchha. Kitna deti hai. (OK. What is its average?)

Overheard in Gurgaon, India #4 - I was a call girl

Now this was overheard in Gurgaon, the BPO capital of India when a girl walked into the office of a corporate conglomerate and was looking for a change.

Interviewer (after some questions): Why do you want to change your current job?

Girl: Currently I am working as a call girl?

Interviewer: What?

Girl: Yes, I work in a call center and am fed up of the night shifts and attending calls of people who don't know how to use computers.

Overheard in a bus journey in India #3 - Ticket to contest elections

This was overheard in a bus journey from Gurgaon to Jaipur. An old lady boards a Haryana roadways bus heading towards Jaipur.

Old lady: Bhai ek ticket de diye Jaipur ka. (Please give me a ticket to Jaipur.)
Conductor (busy handling other people): Haan ammaji, dete hain. (Yes mother, please wait.)

The patience of old lady's declines in five minutes.
Old lady: Bhaiya aa jaa. (Conductor, please come.)
Conductor (still busy): Haan mataji, dete hain thoda ruko. (Yes mother, please wait for a while.)

The old lady could not understand the reason for her tolerance for 10 minutes.
Old lady: Bhaiya, ticket kab dega. (Conductor, when will you give me the ticket.)
Conductor (now furious): Arre mataji, bus ka ticket hai koi chunav ka thode hee hai jo itni jaldi ho rahi hai. (Mother, it's a bus ticket not the ticket for contesting assembly elections. Please wait, I am coming.)

Overheard in a computer store in Delhi, India #2 - P4 is faster than a P3

Now, this is a bit older but fascinating.

Buyer: Bhaisahab, ek P3 computer lena hai. (Dude, I want to buy an Intel P3 computer.)

Shop owner: Sir, P4 lijiye na. Vo P3 se fast hai. (Sir, you should buy a P4. It's faster than a P3 computer.)

Buyer: P4 fast hai. Kya 5 minute ka gaana 4 minute mein khatam kar dega. (P4 is faster. Does it mean that a MP3 song which runs for 5 minutes in a P3, will last for only 4 minutes in a P4 computer.)

Overheard in India #1 - Even the pigeons safeguard their asses in Kanpur

Well well well... this is a quote overheard in Kanpur and the main reason for starting this blog. Also, there is a story behind this quote... A man visited Kanpur in wake of finding a fact that the city is amazing and one may counter things never thought or heard before in Kanpur. The man keeps a guide and asks him to show him the city. The guide takes him to the historical places and all but the visitor didn't find them interesting enough. The visitor is in search of some more VERY INTERESTING stuff.

Driven by this quest of the visitor, the guide takes him to a kabootarbaaz (one who has pigeons as pets and earns his livelihood through them) who shows an amazing pigeon to the visitor which was capable of flying only with one wing. The visitor is amazed this time. He tries himself and at many a locations but to his surprise, the pigeon would fly only with one wing. Now, the man wants to buy this pigeon. Two lakhs, the kabootarbaaz replies - not more for a pigeon which can fly with one wing.

Convinced, the man pays two lakhs to the kabootarbaaz and takes the pigeon back to his city. To his surprise, the pigeon flies with two wings elsewhere. The man tries and tries and tries but no success. Failing, he visits the kabootarbaaz again and asks for a 2 lakhs refund because the pigeon flies with two wings now. As the kabootarbaaz takes the pigeon back and instructs it to fly, to the visitor's surprise, the pigeon flies with one wing. The kabootarbaaz asks the man to try himself and the pigeon flies with one wing.

The visitor asks the reason from the kabootarbaaz, who says, "Saab, ye Kanpur hai. Yahan par to kabootar bhi bacha kar chalte hain." (Sir, this is Kanpur. Even the pigeons safeguard their asses while going out.)